When we last chatted, I told you that my friend Wilcotte surmised it was love that was contributing to a slimmer me. But uncertainty looms, so you can bet there's more to this story...
It's kinda funny, though I may be pretending to work on an advanced degree in communication, I am not a great communicator - at not least always verbally. In particular, I tend to mumble, especially when I am nervous or when I am afraid that my words will not be received as well as I had hoped - sort of like "The Puffy Shirt" episode of Seinfeld which featured a "low talker." At least when I write, I am able to reread what I said, edit it and hope that what I have written is clearly conveyed and any scrambling of my words will be fairly slim. But even then misinterpretations can arise.
Lack of communication is one of the top two or three reasons relationships fail in our society. Think about how frustrated you feel when you go to a restaurant and order one thing and what is returned to you is something completely different. It can be both maddening and if there was no malice involved, potentially embarrassing. In terms of relationships, lack of communication leads to mistrust and maybe even dishonesty and there are definitely hurt feelings in bountiful proportions.
Maybe you can see where I am going with this, maybe you can't. Either way, just bear with me.
To make a long story short, I thought, or maybe it was I was hoping Superwoman felt one way about me when in actuality, she didn't. Was there a fair amount of miscommunication involved? Absolutely. While I may have suspected the possibility that we might not feel the same way, I had to ask. Did her response come across a bit awkward? Of course. I am sure she wasn't all that comfortable being forced to explain herself (I know I sure wouldn't), but there is nothing worse than being in a situation of not knowing. Am I glad I did it? Yes, because it cleared up any misunderstanding we might have, regardless of how difficult the news was to give or receive In spite of what has transpired there's no denying her physical beauty not to mention how I will continue to feel about her on a deeper level. I have also come to accept that she entered my life for a reason - to help me through a difficult time in my own life which in turn helped me grow in ways I never could have imagined previously. Basically her mission is accomplished and fortunately we can move forward. There was no War of the Roses type blowup so I am hopeful we can remain friends, but I will leave that up to her.
I look at this situation as both good news and bad news. The good news is that I can relax and not have the question "does she or doesn't she " looming over me. Maybe I can actually concentrate on some other important issues I will have to deal with in the coming months as I contunue to pursue my research. As for the bad news, ay carumba... But who knows what the future holds.
Am I a little hurt? Do I wish the outcome was a little different? I would be lying to you if I said I wasn't. Besides, when it comes to matters of the heart, I don't have the most stellar credentials. It's also natural to conclude that whenever we don't receive what we were seeking, disappointment is guaranteed to follow. But it is also a growth and maturation experience I hope both of us will be able to learn from. Who knows, maybe I will even gain a few pounds in the process.
Well, I gotta scoot.